What if' universe
by Lady Threarah
Summary: A collection of oneshots of things that might happen. All humor, nothing too serious, and none of these are connected.
1. Chapter 1

A.N.: Greetings, everyone. This will be a series of one-shots for the HP universe, dealing with things and situations that _might_ happen. And no, none of these will be related to each other in any way; they are to be taken as stand-alones.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my computer.**

The unthinkable had happened. One year after the Final Battle, when the Death Eaters were all but rounded up, Minister Fudge decided he didn't like the fact that Harry wasn't loyal to him and him alone. He sent out his best Aurors, and had the boy arrested. In the middle of the Graduation Feast at Hogwarts, no less. He fought, naturally; but in the end, he was Stunned, (they needed a group effort) and hauled off to the Ministry. Hermione got in the way and demanded to know the charges, and was told that he was secretly in league with You-Know-Who, and had orchestrated his whole return. She disagreed, and stated that if he betrayed the Wizarding world, than she did too. The Aurors had no choice but to bring her in as well.

Now the two of them sat at a small table in an interrogation room, waiting for the professionals to come in and wring the confessions out of them. Riiiiiight.

The room, which seemed to have four plain cream colored walls and only one door, wasn't very interesting. Hermione whispered to her adopted brother that one of the walls was fake. It was actually a very complicated spell that allowed the people on one side to see and hear everything that happened in the room itself, but prevented the people from leaving, like a false mirror in police stations. In fact, the spell was so complex that it took no less than fourteen people and five hours to cast.

They broke apart when their questioners walked in. Mad-Eye Moody and Severus Snape were silent as they conjured chairs and sat down across from the teenagers, who exchanged a speaking glance with each other before returning their attention to the adults. The retired Auror sneered.

"All right kiddies, good history non-withstanding, you're going to tell me everything you know about Voldemort."

"And what if we don't?" asked Harry, his expression strangely blank.

"Then we'll be here for a long time. Or at least, until Fudge gets impatient; then things get messy."

"He's allowed to do that to children?" Hermione wondered aloud. Nothing of what she was thinking showed on her face. Snape smirked at her. "If he has to, yes. Frightened, Miss Granger?"

Raising her chin in defiance, the young witch stared him in the eye without flinching. "Not bloody possible. We aren't speaking to you." Severus was now grinning, making both of his former student's lean back in their chairs, fighting the sudden wave of fear assaulting their minds. He leaned over the table, still smiling that unnatural smile. "Then we're going to be here a while." Returning to his upright position (and wiping the smile off his face in the process), he pulled a newspaper out of a hidden pocket on his outer robe and buried himself behind it. Moody merely settled himself more comfortably in his chair and pulled out a knife, carefully cleaning out from underneath his fingernails.

For about three minutes, there was complete silence, punctured by the Potions Master turning the pages of his paper every so often. It was Hermione who broke the quiet.

"Stop that!" she whispered, just loud enough for the adults to hear.

"Stop what?" whispered Harry back, looking puzzled.

"You know what!"

No I don't! What did I do?"

"You touched me!" her voice, while still quiet, was now harsh.

"What? When?" Moody stopped moving his knife and looked up at the teens.

"Just now!"

"Where?"

"On my arm!" both of Moody's eyes were focused on them.

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

"I didn't touch you, 'Mione! I haven't moved a muscle!"

"You just did it again!" her voice rose again to cover his.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did! You just touched me on the arm!" good eye twitching, Moody was struggling to remain in his seat. Severus flicked his eyes to him, then back to the teenagers.

"I did not! Look, this is where my hand was at the time!"

"You just touched me _again_, Harry!"

"I did not!"

"Look, this is what you did-"

"You _made_ me touch you!" they were now shouting at each other.

"I did not! You did that on your own! _Harry!_"

"_I'm not touching you!"_

_"You're touching me!"_

"_No I'm not!"_

_"YES YOU ARE!"_

"ENOUGH!" roared Moody. He stood up so fast his chair banged against the wall. "I can't take this anymore! I-I-GGYYAAAAAAAHHHH!"

He ran from the room, screaming as though all the demons of Hell were after him. For about thirty seconds, there was silence as they listened to the Auror shriek his way through the halls. Then Harry swore. "Damn. You were right, 'Mione; it only took a minute. How much do I owe you again?"

Snape burst out laughing, startling the Gryffindors badly. Not to mention those on the other side of the wall, hoping for results.

A.N.: Well, what do you think? If you mention in a review something like this that you'd want to see, I'll try to type it up. I'll also try to remember to toggle the button that allows for anonymous reviews….


	2. Chapter 2

A.N.: Alright, here's another scene. Sorry it's so short…

Mister Weasley was smiling like a loon. He and Mister Granger were sitting in the Granger's kitchen, and they had just finished their discussion about the purpose of rubber ducks. Mrs. Granger was out shopping, and Mrs. Weasley was busy with the twins. Now that it was approaching dark, Arthur decided that he needed to collect his daughter from upstairs, where she was talking with Harry and Hermione in the girls' room, and get her home in time for dinner. Mr. Granger smiled and told him which room to go to.

Once on the second floor, Arthur was about to open the door when Ginny gave a shrieking giggle on the other side. Against his better judgement, he leaned closer to the door to listen in on the conversation.

"That was… wow. Harry…" Ginny sounded breathless. There was a giggle from the only other girl in the room. "She's got a point, 'Ry. Where did you learn to do that?"

"Do you really think I stayed in that house any longer than I absolutely had to? A girl a few streets down taught me that." The redhead father raised his eyebrows. Harry continued on. "And she introduced me to her friends. They taught me more. Would you like to learn it too?" his voice turned suggestive. The youngest Weasley giggled again. "But what if I forget?"

"I'm sure Dean would be more than happy to help, should you need it. He does live closer to you than we do." Arthur stuffed a fist into his mouth. _She can't!_

"So, who else have you… Googled?" asked Ginny. It was Hermione who answered. "Oh, we've done Dumbledore," Mr. Weasley drew blood from his fist, his eyes wide.

"McGonagall," the man twitched.

"Snape," Arthur felt his knees go weak.

"Umbridge," Mr. Weasley thought he was going to faint.

"Malfoy-" Hermione was cut off.

"Yeah, he was the best. I mean, I never knew that he-" Harry stopped at the anguished wail from the other side of Hermione's door. The students glanced at each other, then Ginny stood up from where she sat on the bed and moved to the door. There was no one on the other side.

Downstairs, Mr. Weasley sat at the table with his head in his hands. Mr. Granger sat next to him, explaining in a calm voice that Google was a search engine on the Internet. It requires a computer to access, and it was not a sexual implication. Harry and Hermione had probably gotten curious, and wanted to see if the Muggles knew anything about wizards, and searched by something as specific as a name. Ginny was not being corrupted; there was nothing to worry about. Really.

L.T.: So, what did you think? Leave me a review, so that I know you're actually reading it, and not getting disgusted halfway through and leaving. Please?


	3. Chapter 3

A.N.: Okay, here's another one. Though I doubt anyone cares, since I have _no reviews whatsoever_ for this fic.

This was inspired by a quote I heard in a movie once, "There are two things a woman can do that a man will never be able to do half as well: love, and revenge."

BEGIN...

The day started out like any other day. Sunrise began at 5:41am exactly, the gnomes wandered the garden looking for larvae for their breakfast, and the whole Weasley household was awoken by the outraged scream of an outraged mother.

"FRED! GEORGE! GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

The twins, who had up until that moment been dead asleep, launched themselves out of bed and practically flew down the stairs to the kitchen, where their mother stood with her hands on her hips and her face slowly turning red.

"Yes, mother?" they chorused, looking innocent. Molly just gestured to the kitchen behind her, trying to control her temper.

"Did you do that?" her voice was calm, but her expression indicated her desire to strangle someone. Both boys peeked around her and calmly took in the chaos.

"Let's see," began Fred, walking around the furious witch. On her other side, George did the same. "Callous disregard for personal property," all of Molly's beloved pots, pans, and assorted dishes were fixed rather firmly to the far wall, framing the door.

"Changes in building plans that could tear the house down," continued George, looking at all of the kitchen windows, which were now on the _inside_ wall, looking into the living room.

"Inaccessible storage and cooking units," remarked Fred, looking up at the ceiling, where all the cupboards, the sink and the oven were attached.

"And everything is stamped with our logo." Finished George. And indeed, every single thing in that kitchen had a large "W" painted on it in the same style as their joke products. As one, they turned to their mother, who was still angry.

"Nope."

Upstairs in Hermione's room, where Harry had been since his nightmare earlier that day, the two of them jerked awake for the second time in ten minutes. Even just one landing under Ron's room, they could plainly hear Molly ripping into the twins, and scolding them for lying. Harry sighed and flopped back on the bed.

"What did they do this time?" he groaned, burying his face into the pillow. Hermione smirked and returned to her previous position next to him.

"Perhaps now they'll know better than to challenge the next generation of Marauders, won't they?"

"That, or they'll want revenge."

"First, they'll have to prove it was me."

A.N.: Any requests? Or should I just judge the story by the lack of reviews, scrap these ideas and remove the story, since all it seems to be doing is wasting net space?


	4. Chapter 4

A.N.: Sorry I've been gone so long! Real life is harsh. And I'm sorry this one is so short too.

Thanks to my two reviewers so far! You guys rock!

Remus was sitting in his favorite chair at Grimmuald Place, reading one of books from the library. It was a quiet day, unusually so, but he wasn't going to complain. Since Sirius had opened the house for Dumbledore to use as Headquarters, the poor man had been stuck inside, desperate for some kind of entertainment. Though it seems that he must have found something since he wasn't pestering his long time school friend for once.

Speaking of Sirius-

"Heya Moony, watcha doin'?"

There he was. He seemed to be in a really good mood, for some reason.

"I'm reading, Padfoot." Remus gave him a gentle version of Snape's 'are you stupid?' stare. The man just smiled.

"Well, wanna hang out with me?" really, there was something familiar about that smile of his…

"Okay." Remus shut his book and set it aside, never taking his eyes off his friend. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Golly, it already seems like we've spent the whole day together!"

The werewolf blinked. "Padfoot-"

An enraged yell from upstairs drew Remus's stare, which was followed by the sound of someone running for the stairs. He looked back to Sirius, who was still smiling.

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it."

A.N.: Please review! And, as always, if you have a suggestion, I'll try my best to make it happen.


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